Clearly I have not been doing a good job updating this blog. I usually get too lazy to share about my thoughts because there’s just too much to update and too much fleshing out of what I even feel/sense. That by the time I have sorted it, I have already lost the desire to write about it. My journal too has been so empty because I’m a bit too lazy to write in it and it would take too long. Therefore, my next attempt is to at least try to blog more because typing is much faster and it doesn’t let me complain it takes too long to write out my thoughts. Good thing I would consider myself a fast typer.
So! This leading outreach business is no walk in the park. If there was no spiritual warfare involved then it would be. And if the heart was not as deceitful as it is (Jeremiah 17:9), it would be all peaches and rainbows. But I guess that also is part of the fun, if you’re in a place to be able to see it as is. God really blessed our team with a wonderful Sabbath day together. He could not have orchestrated it better but He really showed me the grossness of my heart through my actions as I realized how I had been replaying a lot of the realizations I thought I had gotten breakthrough in. Apparently I was reverting back to many old ways of thinking without knowing it and though I know it in my mind, my actions were not reflecting the change. So somewhere there was a disconnect between my mind and my heart. And as the Bible says, it’s the inside of the cup that needs to be cleaned, and clearly my heart needs to be cleaned of the old ways/habits. Some God is still walking me through and re-training me in the way I think.
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So I took a break writing this post and God has already been speaking and convicting me of so many things in a brief span of time of just talking with Onania, our host contact here in Guam! She is so gifted in teaching and flows with the Spirit of the Lord because of the intimate relationship she has with Him. It’s so crazy. She talked about how she learned how to breathe properly in swimming when she spent a little over a year in Taiwan from her swim instructor. And I just started laughing at the way she was showing me the right technique for swimming in water because it speaks so directly to me. God has talked to me about that toward the beginning of staffing DTS. I went to the swimming pool w/ Sam and Ali, my leaders one morning because I felt the Lord telling me too (despite the early morning). And I was swimming with the Lord and He was getting me to practice breathing while I swam. It was so difficult because I’m not a good swimmer and my breathing is all wrong. At the time I wasn’t wearing goggles while I swam laps but if I don’t wear goggles, I swim in like circles in the lanes. So I just keep hitting the lane lines. And oh, it’s horrible. It’s like a poor swimmer, zigzagging in the lane lines, constantly bumping into them. Therefore, I tried opening my eyes more in water but when I did that, I couldn’t breathe properly. And I realized I definitely can’t open my eyes AND breathe out at the same time.
It was just difficult and God was relating that to my walk with Him. That as He reveals more about the right technique of “breathing” with the Lord all throughout the day, it’s not difficult to walk with Him throughout the day. It’s like if you learn the right technique to breathe while swimming, it’s not difficult to swim long periods of time. You gotta breathe right with the Lord. And God has really been showing me how to do that, without needing to isolate myself and get re-energized in a quiet time with the Lord as often. Instead, it’s relationship with Him 24/7 and praying continuously. (Which doesn’t look like the “religious” praying style but as if I’m talking to a best friend 24/7 kind of style.) It’s completely different.
Anyways, I am rambling as of right now. But hopefully you get my drift. God is just so extremely faithful. Oh! I forgot! Anyways, Onania also mentioned about the importance of journaling and it totally convicted me. Because of what I just written in this blog from the beginning. And she was saying how the spiritual authority we carry is only because we have lived out what we know. And from the God encounters we have, it’s not enough just to know them in our minds and hearts, but it’s another step to get them out “on paper” and it truly fulfills in a sense “Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” It’s a co-creation with the Lord of His working in my life and then me bringing what was just an idea into written and/or spoken form. And when I look back on what I have written, I can use those God encounters as fuel for my walk with the Lord or as testimonies to share later to others. It’s like what it says in Matthew 13:52 ~ “[Jesus] said to them, ‘Therefore every teacher of the law who has been instructed about the kingdom of heaven is like the owner of a house who brings out of his storeroom new treasures as well as old.’”
I love how God’s Word stands the test of time. Only Truth can do that. Amene! 
